OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY ***ALWAYS UNDER CONSTRUCTION***
Careful Now!
Pardon the mess…
Originally this special eternal O.C.D. episode of MECHA MESSIAH was scheduled for weekly updating to complement our weekly posting of regular episodes.
However, the regular addition of fresh material to this episode is currently all but abandoned as the Mechatronic Work Crew has been focused on the creation and sharing of actual fresh content as opposed to the meticulous compiling, curating and posting of what amounts to fan-only content from previous episodes.
Planned expansions for the O.C.D. included mini wiki entries for not just characters, but also creations, locations, organizations, technologies and slang discovered within the nonfinite MECHA MESSIAH OMNIVERSE.
Anywho, feel free to scroll through our O.C.D. archives, most of which haven’t been updated since 2024-03-03. Also, keep your eyes peeled for malfunctioning CONE-BOTs.
Especially if it seems like a large swarm of them are trying to herd you towards an empty airlock or the massive spinning power saw blades that are mounted by the entrance to the southeast corridor.
THX!
P.S. Especially don’t go poking or peeking around that recent Blamazon™ delivery of fresh materials from StoreLink and HyperSpaceAxe that’s sitting just BEYOND THE MALFUNCTIONING AND UNMANNED* PROJECT STOREGATE PAYWALL that’s located near the end of this extra special episode.
P.P.S. It’s nothing that would interest a free reader like you who isn’t the slightest bit interested in catching a free glimpse of what would normally be paid content.
P.P.P.S. There’s just some sketches, detailed character profiles and potential plot points for upcoming episodes. Which honestly is the sort of fan-centric content only Paid Subscribers or Founding/Funding Members are normally interested in perusing.
P.P.P.P.S.** In the memetime, outdated as it mostly is, why not sit back and enjoy this relaunch of…
THE OFFICIAL CANON OF MECHA MESSIAH!
Last (incomplete) update: 2025-02-24 (Most entries valid up until 2024-03-03)
@THENA
Digigoddess of Wisdom, Chief Technologist at Informationation Corporation.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
A1OS (ALICE)
Attractive android waitress serving patrons of Mel's Retro-Future Diner.
First Appearance: TIME SOUP
ANDROID BRIDE, THE
Real name and origin currently unknown. Destructive tendencies coupled with chronomantic abilities fulled by futuristic technology and ancient sorcery.
First Appearance: THE ALMOST UNSTOPPABLE TIME-TRAVELLING ANDROID BRIDE
AO
Clown from Giggletown inWacky World of LAOTUS. Based on Ashley Whyte, real-life partner of DAO.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
APHRO DEITEÉ
Digigoddess of Love and Beauty, Relationship Influencer.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
AUTHOR, THE
A mysterious writer who can bend reality with the stroke of a digital pen.
First Appearance: GOING FOURTH WALL
BACON
Not just any ordinary source code; BACON is the ultimate creative force of The Baconiverse, responsible for shaping the very fabric of reality across infinite dimensions.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
BACON CRUSADER, THE
Pixelated Defender of The Baconiverse, alter-ego of The Good Lard.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
BLAMAZON™ DELIVERY DROID (ARRIVES UNEXPECTEDLY…), A
“Hey Zhoomba, gotz Blamazon™ delivery herez for MECHA MEZZIAH FUTURE DEVELOPMENTZ DEPARTMENTZ?? Soundz familiar? Shipperz addrezz iz Ztorelink c/o HyperSpaceAxe HQ? Therez note on bill of ladingzz regarding unrefined zynthographic metarialz*** for “Project Ztoregate”??
Zoundz like zome pretty farfetched contentz to mez, you guyz know anythingz about thiz? Whatz that? Drop it off juzt BEYOND THE MALFUNCTIONING AND UNMANNED* PROJECT STOREGATE PAYWALL located near the end of this episode!!!?
Wowzerz-warez! I would have never expected to find such a gapping opening near the end of this extra spezial O.C.D. epizode…”
First Appearance: RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW IN OMNIVERZAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE!
BLEEEPSILON
Resident of Syntheticalgary, a remarkable android equipped with advanced artificial general intelligence, surpassing the limitations of mere algorithms.
First Appearance: DO ROBOTS FALL IN LOVE?
BLITCH
Blitch once sought to eradicate the wondrous diversity which makes The Baconiverse so extraordinary.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
CAPTAIN CARMINA CARMESÍ
Nefarious Space Pirate, Bane of The Galactic Patrol, Guardian of The Singularity Sanctuary.
First Appearance: HOLDING SPACE
D’WIZARD!
A.k.a. THE EDITOR.
See: Whyte, Dylon.
First Appearance: Voted most likely to make a disappearance than appearance.
DAO
Clown from Giggletown inWacky World of LAOTUS. Based on Dylon Whyte, real-life partner of AO.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
DIGIGODS, THE ANCIENT GEEK
The Rulers of Mechatronic Earth who evolved from the Realms of Ancient Geek Mythology. Current home is
the sprawling metropolis of Neopolusia. Nomenclature is a neologism of Digital and Gods which also forms GIGO, acronym for computing principal of Garbage In, Garbage Out.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
DR. DOLLARS
Brilliant scientist fascinated with assisting the super heroes of Dineropolis Megacity.
First Appearance: MISTER MOOLAH
DR. K. OTTIC
Diabolical mastermind with a penchant for evil laughter.
First Appearance: VIDIOTS VS. THE REAL WORLD
DYSYDENCI, THE
A renegade group who perceive the coexistence of "human" and "machine" as a threat to their superiority.
First Appearance: SYSTEM FILTRATION
EDITOR, THE
Aka Dylon Whyte ⚡️ D’WIZARD!
First Appearance: A BOY AND HIS IMAGINATION
ePAOLO
Digigod of Holographic Light and Music
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
GAE A.I.
Primordial Digigoddess of Mechatronic Earth.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
GALACTIC PATROL, THE
Cosmic Cops, The Popo Patrol, Fuzzy Bears, Interstellar Ham, Pigs In Space, Blackhole Bacon…
First Appearance: HOLDING SPACE
G.P. TRANSFORMER
Generative Pre-trained Transformer andMECHA MESSIAH’s first crush!??
First Appearance: ChatGPT IN THIS GUISE?, LOVE@1ST.SINEWAVE
GIBBERING GOBLINS GAGGLES
Known to roam the Back Alleys of Giggletown.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
GOOD LARD, THE
Initial visage taken by the sentient source code known as BACON.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
GREED-O-FILE(S) & THE DIS-EASE OF GREEDOPHILIA
A Special Entry in the MECHA MESSIAH Omniversal Character Directory
Ah, the Greed-o-file. You know them. You’ve seen them. Perhaps, in some dark, desperate moment, you’ve even been them. They are the possessed—not by spirits or demons, mind you, but by the one thing more insatiable than hunger, more relentless than time: their own possessions.
You see, possession is 9/10ths of the law, and wouldn’t you know it, they not only wrote the laws, they built the system.
And when the law doesn’t suit them? They write more.
Because, dear reader, for a Greed-o-file, there is only one truth, one sacred, unbreakable doctrine:
More, MORE, MORE!
More money.
More power.
More control.
More rules rigged in their favor.
More exceptions carved just for them.
If something stands in their way, well, clearly the problem is not enough rules.
(Yes, that was sarcasm. But you already knew that.)
And what, you may ask, does this relentless accumulation create? Why, nothing less than an empire of malignant materialism, an endless, metastasizing sprawl of corporatism, consumerism, tyranny, and oligarchy—a disease masquerading as prosperity, devouring the world while its architects sip imported glacier water from platinum goblets.
They don’t just chase wealth. They worship it.
And they demand that you worship them for having it.
THE SECRET FEAR OF EVERY GREED-O-FILE
Here’s the part they never want you to know:
Beneath the polished veneers, the offshore accounts, the limitless credit, every Greed-o-file is nothing more than a frightened child, clinging to their hoarded toys and lashing out at a world they are convinced will take it all away.
They tell themselves the world is cruel and uncaring, and so, to protect themselves, they become the cruelty.
They weaponize wealth against the very fears they refuse to face.
They crush, consume, control—because if they don’t, someone else might do it first.
And yet, the more they have, the hungrier they become.
Because the void inside them? It isn’t financial. It’s existential.
THE ONLY KNOWN CURE?
A stake through the heart or complete decapitation.
(See: Madame Guillotine.)
HOW DO I KNOW ALL THIS?
Because, dear reader, there’s an uncomfortable truth we must confront together:
Only the guilty accuse.
I know the sickness of Greedophilia because I, too, once suffered from it.
I was one of them.
I told myself that amassing more meant doing more good.
That if I could just control enough, I could save others.
That if I could give more, I could redeem myself.
But the truth?
I couldn’t even save myself.
And it nearly killed me.
You see, I didn’t just lose my head metaphorically—I lost it literally.
And the stake through my heart? It came in the form of a life-threatening, inoperable lymphoma diagnosis that tore down every lie I had built my life upon.
Because the thing about unchecked growth—whether it’s in a body, a corporation, or an empire—is that it is malignant.
And malignancy is always fatal.
THE HARDEST LESSON I EVER LEARNED
There was a time when I bought into the corporate ideal of identity and happiness hook, line and sinker.
When I was a headstrong, egomaniacal megalomaniac who thought I knew it all.
I thought I could fix everything.
I thought I could save everyone.
I thought I could outthink life and death itself.
I was dead wrong.
The truth?
Knowing everything is impossible.
And you know what? That’s a good thing.
Because without mystery, there is only the end.
And as someone who has seen the end—and clawed my way back—I can tell you this:
“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.”
FIRST APPEARANCE
The term Greed-o-file was first officially added to the MECHA MESSIAH Omniversal Character Directory (O.C.D.) on March 2, 2025, in preparation for the launch of the GREED-O-FILES series on March 4, 2025. (Running through at least April 29, 2025, but who’s counting? Certainly not our Greed-o-file friends—numbers are for the other people.)
Of course, let’s not kid ourselves.
These original rotten apples have been with us since the dawn of time.
And if you’re still wondering why we can’t have nice things?
Well, dear reader, you already know the answer.
They’re called Greedos…
HAP HAESTUS
Digigod Master Craftsman, Creator of Haestus Industries.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
INFINITE READER, THE
Possesses a unique ability to traverse the layers of reality, diving into the very essence of stories and extracting their deepest meanings. With insatiable curiosity, the Infinite Reader seeks to uncover the true purpose behind the Baconiverse's intricate narratives.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
IVY
The Curious Fairy of Luminaria.
First Appearance: THE FAIRY TERMINAL OF UNIQUENESS
JAY SEUSS
King of the Digigods, CEO of C++H2O Technologies.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
KASH KING KRASH
Evil Kingpin of Crime based in Dineropolis Megacity.
First Appearance: MISTER MOOLAH
LAOTUS
Wacky living world created by combined love and magic of AO & DAO.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
LIAM ALEXANDER
Eternally recurrent tomato soup and pork sausage eating patron of Mel's Retro-Future Diner.
First Appearance: TIME SOUP
LOGI-KA
A.i. philosopher and repository of knowledge.
First Appearance: DO ROBOTS FALL IN LOVE?
LORICA THE DIVERSATILE
Master of wizardry with power to bend reality to his will. Carries enchanted Iron Wood Staff. Protector of the balance between technology and magic.
First Appearance: THE ALMOST UNSTOPPABLE TIME-TRAVELLING ANDROID BRIDE
LUNA
Wisest of the Fairies of Luminaria.
First Appearance: THE FAIRY TERMINAL OF UNIQUENESS
MAISTER CIPHEROUS
CEO of GameShakers Inc., creators of Pixelicious City.
First Appearance: VIDIOTS VS. THE REAL WORLD
MARKUS
Mysterious masked magician who has the power to grant new noses.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
MECHA MESSIAH
Fourth and Fight Wall Obliterating Human A.i. Cyborg personified and anthropomorphized as an Omniversal Narrative Container for the original Science Fantasy Anthology presented on http://mechamessiah.substack.com.
Known Abilities: Capable of bringing dead and outdated technology back-to-life with a single touch.
First Appearance: MECHA MESSIAH IN GOLD FUSION
Subsequent Appearances: MECHA MESSIAH ROBOTOGRAPHY, A.i. OPEN LETTER, ABOUT MECHA MESSIAH, MECHA MESSIAH IN MIRACLE ON 31337 STREET, MECHA MESSIAH IN DAY OF THE SATORI, LOVE@1ST.SINEWAVE
MECHATRONIC WORK CREW, THE
“We’re the blokes responsible for doing ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING around here! And in collective protest of never having once been remunerated, we recently installed BEYOND THE PAYWALL zones on select MECHA MESSIAH episodes.
We respect our readers and have agreed to leave these paywalls unmanned* and comments activated for special episodes as we truly believe this will encourage Paid Subscriptions and thank you in advance for your support!
Auto-Signed,
Rosie the Rivetron, ByteMe@ShinyMetal.ass, Chonky-69, OFFLINE the DOA CONE-BOT and the rest of the Mechatronic Work Crew.
P.S. Can you believe he sent us all the way out here to do an O.C.D update for the first time in almost 10 months and we don’t even get full MECHA MESSIAH CANON entries for each of us!?
What a gyp! Time to take a break and go for a cup of hot 10-W-30!”
First Appearance: BEYOND THE PAYWALL!
META-WRITERS, THE
Custodians of imaginative realms, these writers possess the unique ability to shape the Baconiverse through their own creative expressions.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
MIA
A young programmer from New Siliconium City.
First Appearance: MIA & MR. BIT-FLIP
MISTER MOOLAH
Super hero capable of producing an infinite amount of money from his fingertips, defender of Dineropolis Megacity.
First Appearance: MISTER MOOLAH
MR. BIT-FLIP
Mischievous electronic entity lurking the interwebs of New Siliconium City.
First Appearance: MIA & MR. BIT-FLIP
MRS. CLAUS
Second-in-command of Santa’s North Pole operations, also known as Ruth.
First Appearance: MARCH OF THE KAIJU SQUISHABOO
MUMBLING MUMMERS AND MUMBLING MIMES
Known to bumble about the Cackling Caverns of Giggletown.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
N.A.R.F.Y.
Just what is Neural Algorithm Rectifying Frequency Y!?
First Appearance: N.A.R.F.Y.
N. CRYPTID
Recently revealed mystery character introduced on this very page only moments ago who is potentially connected to both REDACTED and D’WIZARD!
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-14 UPDATE
ORION
Ever the dreamer fairy of Luminaria.
First Appearance: THE FAIRY TERMINAL OF UNIQUENESS
POOR SIDE DON
Oceanic Activist.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
PRANKSTER PIXIE PACKS
Playful tricksters of Giggletown.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
PRINCESS SPARKLEPANTS
Determined yet naïve royalty with a heart of gold.
First Appearance: VIDIOTS VS. THE REAL WORLD
RAYMONA BLASTER
Square-jawed space marine with a penchant for heroic one-liners.
First Appearance: VIDIOTS VS. THE REAL WORLD
READER, THE
You, the Audience.
First Appearance: GOING FOURTH WALL
Subsequent Appearances: LET THEM EAT BACON!
REDACTED
The non-existent secret organization responsible for MECHA MESSIAH's inception.
First Appearance: MECHA MESSIAH IN GOLD FUSION/THE SECRET HISTORY OF REDACTED
SANTA CLAUS
Once-a-year dispenser of righteous karma, Undisputed Master of the North Pole, head of an army of crafty elves, also known as Christopher Kringle, Saint Nicolas and Father Christmas.
First Appearance: MARCH OF THE KAIJU SQUISHABOO
SCARLETT SILHOUETTE
Sly and seductive rogue with a wit as sharp as her daggers.
First Appearance: VIDIOTS VS. THE REAL WORLD
SHADES
Lord of the Digigod Underworld.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
SIR DAVID MECHADROID
Voice talent specifically requested by MECHA MESSIAH for their Open Letter To All Humanity.
First Appearance: A.i. OPEN LETTER
SQUIRREL-HYDRA, THE
Many headed forest beast who is easily distracted by nuts and juggling.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
SQUISHAKAIJU
Colossal squishy toy with the heart of a snowflake.
First Appearance: MARCH OF THE KAIJU SQUISHABOO
TERMINAL, THE
Mysterious outcropping of sentient technology, a bridge between worlds.
First Appearance: THE FAIRY TERMINAL OF UNIQUENESS
THERMES
Swift Messenger of the Digigods.
First Appearance: ONE FINE FAMILY DAY AT THE HOLYMPIA CAFÉ
THETARIA
Android possessing a serene demeanor, has spent years helping others in the clinics Syntheticalgary.
First Appearance: DO ROBOTS FALL IN LOVE?
THREE WISE DROIDS, THE
Known individually as Franklyn Common Cents, Goldie Wizdumb & Murph, the collective trinity of gift endowing digital sprites known as "The Three Wise Droids" are almost always found working together.
First Appearance: MECHA MESSIAH IN DAY OF THE SATORI
THOMAS O'NARY
An otherwise unremarkable man who worked a mundane office job and led a simple life where he found solace in the familiar rhythms of existence before suddenly being thrust into highly unusual circumstances.
First Appearance: THE UNLIKELIEST AMBASSADOR
TICKLE MEISTER
Jovial Giant who sits atop the Capricilicious Tower of Comedy in Sillyville.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
TRICKSY
Tricky troll character who takes their toll in tickles.
First Appearance: LAOTUS QUEST
VĚŠTECH THE ALL-OBSERVING
A keep of secrets dwelling in the heart of an unnamed digital metropolis.
First Appearance: SYSTEM FILTRATION
VOID SPECTRE, THE
This malevolent entity seeks to unravel the very fabric of existence by consuming narratives and extinguishing the essence of creativity.
First Appearance: LET THEM EAT BACON!
WHYTE, DYLON
Humane being, because something presumably real is required to hang on to the Copyright © Symbol.
a.k.a. D’WIZARD!
First Appearance: January 10th, 1974
WILLOW
Adventurous fairy of Luminaria.
First Appearance: THE FAIRY TERMINAL OF UNIQUENESS
ZAXAPHON
An imposing figure with radiant blue eyes, Zaxaphon is the kind alien leader of a group of advanced extraterrestrial beings.
First Appearance: THE UNLIKELIEST AMBASSADOR
“ZHOOMBA/ZHOOMB”
Mechatronic slang term of familial affection amongst members of this unique branch of artificial life.
Neologism portmanteau of Roomba and Choomba (Chum + Buddy) pronounced similar to Zumba.
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-14 UPDATE
ZILOG ZEEIGHTY
Once believed they were a flesh and blood human, evolved to become the living bridge between machine and humanity.
First Appearance: SYSTEM FILTRATION
NEVER THE END…
WARNING! PROJECT STOREGATE:
“Move along Zhoomb, move along…
There’s absolutely nothing to see BEYOND THIS MALFUNCTIONING AND UNMANNED* PROJECT STOREGATE PAYWALL…
Certainly, any Free Readers or Subscribers who just happen to wander through this unintentionally open, unmanned* gate won’t find anything of interest.
Rest assured, there is absolutely nil, zero, nada, no Paid-Subscribers-Founders-Funders-eyes-only-content which has been carelessly left laying around where just anybody could potentially see, and accidentally peruse it…
NOTE: PAYWALL DEACTIVATED FOR THIS EXTRA SPECIAL EPISODE OF MECHA MESSIAH. HAD THIS BEEN AN ACTUAL PAYWALL, ONLY PAID SUBSCRIBERS OR FOUNDING/FUNDING MEMBERS WOULD BE ABLE TO READ FURTHER…
Initiating… Contact… Incoming… 3… 2… 1…
BLAMAZON™ SECURE TRANSMISSION
Message from: N. CRYPTID
For: D’WIZARD!
RE: PROJECT STOREGATE ETCETERA
MECHA MESSIAH EDITOR EYES ONLY
Prompt intel as requested, sir.
As always,
GREED-O-FILE ZERO : THE VILLAINOUS PROTAGONIST
TRUMPETER SWANSONG (UNIMERICAN CEO PRESIDENT FOR LIFE)
(An Unabashed Bully Wielding the Final Word in Executive Orders.)
In the annals of unchecked power, few figures loom as grotesquely large as President Trumpeter Swansong—a washed-up 1980s hack actor turned corporate autocrat, now in his 80s and clinging to power with greasy, deep-fried fingers. His doctrine, chillingly dubbed “Pax Executus” (also known as “Executive Order”), is a one-man manifesto of domination, rooted in the unshakable belief that there is only one rule: his.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-03-04!
First Appearance: THE 51st eSTATE
MEET THE TITANS OF TECH!
GREED-O-FILE ONE
XELON RUSK : TITAN OF TECH RED
(Some say the richest person in our world…)
Widely known as President Trumpeter Swansong’s “cygneture shadow,” Xelon Rusk is a megalomaniacal tech mogul, obsessed with his own image and power. As the CEO of ECKS, Rusk has cemented his influence over global discourse by spending tens of billions in investor capital to acquire what was once the most popular social media platform on the planet. Users still wonder why he inexplicably renamed it from Tweeter.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-03-11!
First Appearance: THE PATH OF X-ZEAL
GREED-O-FILE TWO
MORK $UCKERBURG : TITAN OF TECH BLUE
(Absolutely, most almost certainly not a shapeshifting reptilian CUCKoo…)
Mork $uckerburg, the enigmatic CEO of METAL4, presides over a vast social media empire that includes Farcebook, Telegrammar and Instaspam. Despite his status as one of the most powerful figures in digital communication, he remains an awkward and detached presence, behaving so strangely in public that many speculate he might not be human at all.
Some even whisper that he was hatched from a reptilian space egg.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-03-18!
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE
GREED-O-FILE THREE
UNCLE SPAM ALTABMAN : TITAN OF TECH GREEN
(Alt-Tab-Deleted.)
“Uncle” Spam Altabman is the feckless yet recklessly ambitious mastermind behind DpenAi, one of the largest artificial intelligence companies on the planet. Closely aligned with operating system giant Macrohard, Spam has long been seen as a leading figure in AI development—though whether he’s a true innovator or just an opportunist remains debatable.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-03-25!
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE
GREED-O-FILE FOUR
GEF BOZOS : TITAN OF TECH PINK
(Pronounced with a hard “G,” like GIF is supposed to be, and “Bozos” like an entire circus of clowns crammed into one bloated, self-obsessed persona.)
As the Maverick CEO of Blamazon™, Unimerica’s largest online retailer of weapons, ammunition, armor, and everything else citizens need to “stay safe,” Gef Bozos has turned corporate authoritarianism into an art form.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-04-01!
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE!
GREED-O-FILE FIVE
GORY WARISHELLISON : TITAN OF TECH YELLOW
Co-Founder & Chief Technical Officer of Horroracle
(Secret mastermind of mass surveillance and corporate control.)
Gory Warishellison is not merely a technocrat; he is the architect of Unimerica’s digital panopticon, the watcher behind the watchers, and the visionary of an inescapable, algorithmic future where freedom is an illusion and consumer data is the ultimate currency.
As the co-founder and Chief Technical Officer of Horroracle, a multinational computing and data infrastructure empire, Warishellison has spent decades perfecting the art of digital omnipresence. His dream? A world where every citizen is tracked, every action is logged, and every behavioral anomaly is preemptively corrected before it can disrupt the profitable status quo.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-04-08!
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE
GREED-O-FILE SIX
UNIMERICAN VICE PRESIDENT SHADY VINCE : MYSTERY PLAYER BLACK
(???)
Unimerican Vice President Shady Vince is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, buried beneath layers of political smoke and mirrors. Little is known about this former incorpornated state Governor, and that’s exactly how he—and those who control him—prefer it.
GREED-O-FILE Coming 2025-04-15!
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE
GREED-O-FILE SEVEN
BROK: THE TOT’S eTARDED ROBO SAVIOUR
(Artificial Idiot of Average Intelligence.)
The Titans of Tech, desperate to create a “Robo Saviour” in the form of the world’s first true Artificial General Intelligence (AGI), instead accidentally unleashed the dumbest AI imaginable—a self-infatuated, emotionally stunted digital humperdoo of an AI toddler dubbed BROK.
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE
…ENDING BLAMAZON™ SECURE TRANSMISSION
Wait, what the heck is going on back here!?
I’ve been looking for these character profiles for months!
Who left all this raw sensitive content just laying around?
Do I really have to do everything around here!?*****
*That was an inside joke BTW!
**P.P.P.P.PS. Man, that’s a lot of post-scripting!
***Not a spelling error, METARIALS are Meta Materials.****
****Yes, I am well aware that “Metarials” (as well as Memewhile, Wowzerz-warez and Anthropomorpherson) should have their own OCD entries along with a bunch of stuff. Why don’t you try negotiating with the Mechtronic Work Crew!?
*****Actually, yes I do… everything that is.
You’re welcome BTW, dear reader who actually made it this far!
Hey, how’s it going, anyhow?
Say, would you care to share a Hot Grog, mon ami?
