GREED-O-FILE THREE: "UNCLE" SPAM ALTABMAN
GREED-O-FILE #TITAN3
UNCLE SPAM ALTABMAN: TITAN OF TECH GREEN
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“Uncle” Spam Altabman is the feckless yet recklessly ambitious mastermind behind DpenAi, one of the largest artificial intelligence companies on the planet. Closely aligned with operating system giant Macrohard, Spam has long been seen as a leading figure in AI development—though whether he’s a true innovator or just an opportunist remains debatable.
Recently, Spam’s empire suffered a humiliating blow when his flagship AI model Chat G. Pretty was outperformed by DeepSheik, a rival system developed overseas at a fraction of DpenAi’s astronomically skyrocketing costs.
Now, in a desperate bid to stay ahead, he’s pushing an outrageous proposal: convincing Unimerica to invest half a gajillion dollars into Project Storegate, his next-generation DpenAi data centre mega-projects—a move that conveniently ensures his continued dominance in the AI space while bleeding the nation’s resources dry.
But there’s a darker agenda at play. Behind the scenes, Uncle Spam Altabman and the Five Titans of Tech—all in league with President Trumpeter Swansong—are orchestrating the ultimate social deception. Their goal? To fake the creation of an omniscient Artificial Super-Intelligence—a fraudulent digital deity designed to rubber-stamp their authoritarian rule.
The entire scheme is a Wizard Of Oz “pay no attention to the men (and swan) behind the curtain” conjob, an elaborate ruse meant to convince the public that an all-powerful AI has “logically” determined that the Titans of Tech’s rule is inevitable, justified, and unchallengeable.
And if that idea sounds familiar, it’s because it is—the entire plan is lifted straight from the “Cyclops” scam in David Brin’s The Postman (a plot point the Titans of Tech only adopted after Mork $uckerburg accidentally fell asleep listening to the audiobook on Laudable.)
While some might call Uncle Spam a genius, history will likely remember him as something else entirely: a high-tech grifter who sold the world a fantasy of artificial omnipotence, all in service of the same old, tired pursuit—power, wealth, and control…
First Appearance: OMNIVERSAL CHARACTER DIRECTORY 2025-02-24 UPDATE
"Any resemblance to actual events, locales, persons or personas is entirely satirical and quite frankly a pretty poor parody of actuality."
BEYOND THE PAYWALL TRÜ MECHAHEADS, AS WELL AS PAID SUBSCRIBERS & FOUNDING/FUNDING MEMBERS WILL DISCOVER GTP’s ORIGINAL MEMORY SHARD FOR DPEN AI’S VERY PWN SPAM ALTABMAN…
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